CV Rick

Don't Watch if You're Scared of Heights

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Saturday Meme – What Every Man Should Be Able To Do.

I found a cpuple of these lists and I've compiled them here.  This is what it says a man should do.  Underlined are the ones I can do.  The rest show my inadequacy as a man.

Esquire Magazine – 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.

2. Tell if someone is lying.

3. Take a photo.

4. Score a baseball game.

5. Name a book that matters.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

9. Write a letter.

10. Buy a suit.

11. Swim three different strokes.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

13. Throw a punch.

14. Chop down a tree.

15. Calculate square footage.

 

A Call for Daniel Abraham

I'm trying to contact Daniel Abraham about his fantastic story, which I featured for this past week.  The frustrating part is that the wonky reader the story is packaged in has a fault which prevents three of the pages from being viewed - so after getting hooked and interested the reader - ME - gets frustrated, screams and curses, and can't read the rest of the story. 

Since I have to work all day, if someone can try to contact him through his website or publisher or whatnot I'd appreciate it.  See if he'll get us an authorized, untainted copy of the story and I'll feature it again for another week.

Thanks,

Rick,  busy, frustrated, frantic, and out of here till dusk.

p.s.  If you do contact him, and if you know my number (some of you do and the rest of you aren't going to get it), have him give me a call.

Growing Up Mormon - A Conversation With a Client

Normally on Thursdays I write some vignette or an episode from a longer story of my childhood in the Mormon Religion.  Today however, I had a conversation with a client that stayed with me and I'd like to share it with you.

We were talking about how he had become an attorney.

"I was a field agent with the F.B.I. for five years.  But when I found out that there was no chance for advancement I decided to apply to law school."

I said, "Were all the positions filled or were they just not promoting?"

"I don't suppose you know anything about Mormons," he said.  I remained silent at that.  "The FBI had a very high number of Mormons and in my office advancement was dependent on how well you got along with them.  Since I wasn't about to pretend to be interested in their religion and I wasn't interested in changing my supposed bad habits, I was far down the list."

"Really?  It was about the Mormons?" I asked.

"They are a very cliquish people.  They take care of their own first and foremost.  My partner wouldn't follow orders from our direct supervisor unless he cleared it with the highest ranking Mormon in our office.  He'd call him at home and talk about what he'd been told to do.  He said it was a matter of respecting his priesthood leaders.  To me it all seemed like some weird cult.  I could imagine them in robes around a dark altar offering blood oaths to each other." 

At that I laughed openly. 

He continued.  "I had to get out of there and law school seemed like a good place to make my own advancement."

"It really turned you off to Mormons, didn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, it did."

At that I told him a bit about my story, Alma the Lamanite, and my experiences growing up.  I also explained the doctrinal reasons why Mormons believe darker skin color is punishment delivered by God on his more unworthy children. 

My client is African American.  At the explanation he shook his head and sighed.

- rick, atheist

The Limbaugh Effect

In Indiana Hillary Clinton won by less than 25,000 votes.  This comes during a concerted campaign by Rush Limbaugh who encouraged his listeners, all conservative Hillary haters, to register as democrats and vote for Clinton.  He calls this strategy Operation Chaos.  His theory is that the longer the democrats fight each other and the nastier the fighting gets the more damage will be done and McCain will be able to sail through the general election. 

This tactic seemed to work in Texas where Hillary received the press as being the state's winner but after all the votes were counted from primaries and caucuses Obama ended up winning the state and the majority of its delegates. 

Now exit polling shows that Limbaugh's call to his Republican listeners produced far more than the 2% margin of victory.  This is an example of dirty politics, probably illegal, from the "anything-to-win" disgusting side of the American political spectrum - the conservatives.

Before you decry my pronouncement with typical "liberals will do it to" ca-cawing, please find me one example of any Republican primary election swayed by actions from Democratic voters.  Just one.  It isn't true that both sides of the political aisle are the same when it comes to corruption.  One side is just wrong and this is another example.

- rick, disgusted

Obama - Is this the Day?

If he sweeps North Carolina and Indiana then maybe we can put all this primary crap behind us. 

Here's two great videos - the first is an example of how to take the right wing's most effective tactic and use it against John McCain.  Brought to us by the folks at Mad TV.

And here's The Empire Strikes Barack:

rick, weary of the primary season

The Stripper Sex Chronicles - Part One

Warning:  This story series will contain scenes of a sexual nature. If this offends you, please don't continue reading it.  (although this first episode is pretty tame)

I had more sex with more different women during my first year of grad school at the University of Oklahoma than at any other time of my life.  The reasons were varied but mostly hinged on my friend, Dylan. 

As part of the requirements for one of my scholarships I had to work in my field within the University Programs.  The U operated an outreach  for academic help to local junior colleges as part of a grant program and the Dean put me in charge of the Weekend Mathematics Laboratory at a local community college.  It was a great job.  I got to help students with everything from arithmetic to differentials and I had a small crew of talented undergrad students to assist me.  The student body had a range between high school kids picking up college credits to retirees returning to school in their free time, so I learned all the different ways of connecting to people and explaining what to them were very difficult concepts.

My best assistant was Dylan.  He was mentally quick enough but his real talent was in his patience.  He'd sit with someone and listen to how they thought things ought to work and then be able to explain in their way how to tackle problems differently.  He had this really cool way of gazing right at someone and making them feel as if they were the only person in the room. Oh, he was also a pretty attractive man. He had Hollywood hair, almost mussed, dark.  He always wore shorts to show off tattoos on his calves – a snake coiled around a dagger and a roses dripping blood.

More than one girl came into the lab just to sit next to Dylan.  Once, less than a week after I met him, he came running over to me.

“I have to go for a while.”

“You just started work,” I said. He'd been helping this thin brunette girl for less than ten minutes.

“I'll be back.  I just have to go. Now.”  He was nodding in the direction of the door.  The brunette was standing there with her book bag over her shoulder.

My Week in Photos

One of the more interesting things about my job is the magnificent houses I get to work in . . . and it's self-perpetuating.  The more large beautiful houses I work in, the more owners of other large, beautiful houses hear about me and hire me.   

This is one of the prize homes I've done.  It's okay for me to put the photo on my blog because it's an historic home that's been turned into a museum/tour.  No one lives there any longer.

more photos after the jump:

Saturday Meme - Unread Books

From Kelly at Wyrdsmiths.  A list of the 106 (weird number to settle on) books most often listed as "unread" on librarything. The original instructions say italicize books started but not finished, bold books read, and bold and underline books read for school.

I'm adding two asterisks for books I have on my list to read - this year or next.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina **
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude **
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel **
The Name of the Rose **
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace **
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin **
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway

Featured Post - Ninja Writer's Story Club - Week 5

The Cambist and Lord Iron: A Fairy Tale of Economics by Daniel Abraham

Featured Post - This will stay on top of the page for a week - scroll down for newer content.

Last week's story by Stephen Baxter was not well received.  I'd say it suffered from unsympathetic main characters and while it had a novel plot device, the execution was hampered by point of view.
 

This week we have a tale by one of Lyda's colleagues at SF Novelists, Daniel Abraham.  This story is up against The Merchant and the Alchemist's Gate by Ted Chaing, which is a tough story to compete with.  Let's see how it is.  The online reader for this story is a bit tricky, but once you figure it out, you'll find it's more like reading a book than a normal site page.

For as many years as anyone in the city could remember, Olaf Neddelsohn had been the cambist of the Magdalen Gate postal authority. Every morning, he could be seen making the trek from his rooms in the boarding house on State Street, down past the street vendors with their apples and cheese, and into the bowels of the underground railway only to emerge at the station across the wide boulevard from Magdalen Gate.

read the rest . . .

CAUTION - as usual with the Story Club, the comments are going to contain spoilers.

The Cambist and Lord Iron: A Fairy Tale of Economics by Daniel Abraham

Featured Post - This will stay on top of the page for a week - scroll down for newer content.

Last week's story by Stephen Baxter was not well received.  I'd say it suffered from unsympathetic main characters and while it had a novel plot device, the execution was hampered by point of view.
 

This week we have a tale by one of Lyda's colleagues at SF Novelists, Daniel Abraham.  This story is up against The Merchant and the Alchemist's Gate by Ted Chaing, which is a tough story to compete with.  Let's see how it is.  The online reader for this story is a bit tricky, but once you figure it out, you'll find it's more like reading a book than a normal site page.

For as many years as anyone in the city could remember, Olaf Neddelsohn had been the cambist of the Magdalen Gate postal authority. Every morning, he could be seen making the trek from his rooms in the boarding house on State Street, down past the street vendors with their apples and cheese, and into the bowels of the underground railway only to emerge at the station across the wide boulevard from Magdalen Gate.

read the rest . . .

CAUTION - as usual with the Story Club, the comments are going to contain spoilers.

The Cambist and Lord Iron: A Fairy Tale of Economics by Daniel Abraham

Featured Post - This will stay on top of the page for a week - scroll down for newer content.

Last week's story by Stephen Baxter was not well received.  I'd say it suffered from unsympathetic main characters and while it had a novel plot device, the execution was hampered by point of view.
 

This week we have a tale by one of Lyda's colleagues at SF Novelists, Daniel Abraham.  This story is up against The Merchant and the Alchemist's Gate by Ted Chaing, which is a tough story to compete with.  Let's see how it is.  The online reader for this story is a bit tricky, but once you figure it out, you'll find it's more like reading a book than a normal site page.

For as many years as anyone in the city could remember, Olaf Neddelsohn had been the cambist of the Magdalen Gate postal authority. Every morning, he could be seen making the trek from his rooms in the boarding house on State Street, down past the street vendors with their apples and cheese, and into the bowels of the underground railway only to emerge at the station across the wide boulevard from Magdalen Gate.

read the rest . . .

CAUTION - as usual with the Story Club, the comments are going to contain spoilers.

Featured Post - This will stay on top of the page for a week - scroll down for newer content.

Last week's story by Stephen Baxter was not well received.  I'd say it suffered from unsympathetic main characters and while it had a novel plot device, the execution was hampered by point of view.
 

This week we have a tale by one of Lyda's colleagues at SF Novelists, Daniel Abraham.  This story is up against The Merchant and the Alchemist's Gate by Ted Chaing, which is a tough story to compete with.  Let's see how it is.  The online reader for this story is a bit tricky, but once you figure it out, you'll find it's more like reading a book than a normal site page.

For as many years as anyone in the city could remember, Olaf Neddelsohn had been the cambist of the Magdalen Gate postal authority. Every morning, he could be seen making the trek from his rooms in the boarding house on State Street, down past the street vendors with their apples and cheese, and into the bowels of the underground railway only to emerge at the station across the wide boulevard from Magdalen Gate.

read the rest . . .

CAUTION - as usual with the Story Club, the comments are going to contain spoilers.

Growing Up Mormon - The Mormon Uniform

Mormon missionaries wear white shirts, dark ties, a nametag, and a bicycle helmet.  That's their uniform.  When I turned twelve I received the Aaronic Priesthood and was then worthy to pass the sacrament, water and bread, to the congregation.  From that point on I had no choice about what to wear to church: white shirt, dark tie, dress shoes.

What happened the day I decided to wear something different?  After I broke my hand in wrestling I had this nasty cast plus a frame and pin set up.  I couldn't get anything over my arm, so instead of the uniform, I wore a t-shirt, stretched to fit over my hand and a track jacket over that.  My dad went to church early and we followed later, so my outfit wasn't 'approved' by him although my mother commiserated with me on the difficulty of donning the normal uniform. 

First, an older boy, a priest - I think he was 17 - told me I couldn't pass the sacrament dressed like that.  Fine, I thought, no biggie I'll just sit with my family.  But that was just the beginning of the shitstorm.  The Aaronic Priesthood counselor found out and told the Elder's Quorum President who told the first counselor to the Bishop who then told the Bishop and he came to talk to me. 

"You'll have to go home and change."

"Why?  Don't you know about my wrist?"

"We have standards that must be adhered to and any wild clothing choices are a distraction from the spirit."

Then my father came marching into the foyer.  He'd obviously been told.  His lips were stretched so tight across his mouth that they disappeared.  He focused on me to the exclusion of all else. 

"I've got this handled, Bishop," he said.  Then he grabbed my by my hair and marched me out of the building and into the work van he'd driven to church.  He didn't speak to me because his embarrassment was too great for words.

At home I was having trouble with the door because of awkwardness with the injury, equipment, cast.  He pushed through me, opened the door and went ahead where he grabbed one of my white shirts.  It tore over my metal frame and it hurt like hell.  I don't think I cried, but I know I wanted to . . .

He handed me some safety pins to close the rips and I grabbed a tie and headed to the door.  I remember being surprised that he'd kick me right through the front door as I opened it, but I guess he really felt the embarrassment strongly and the spirit demanded that I pay retribution for mocking his presence in church.

To this day Mormon men wear nothing but white shirts, dark ties, and slacks.  Because conformity above all else is holy - just look at the words of Jesus . . . wait, uh maybe someone else was a better example of conformist.  I'll get back to you on that.

- rick, owner of no white shirts.

I Think I'm Becoming a Homosexual

Or at least an exhibitionist:

Sometimes masturbation is the introduction to the more serious sins of exhibitionism and the gross sin of homosexuality. We would avoid mentioning these unholy terms and these reprehensible practices were it not for the fact that we have a responsibility to the youth of Zion that they be not deceived by those who would call bad good, and black white.
(Mormon Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, "President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality," New Era, Nov. 1980, 39)

Graciously swiped from Gunner.

- rick, sinning daily

Yes He Can

An Update on my Monday Memoir Segments

I've been wrestling with what to do next on my Monday Memoir posts.  I've told y'all about Basic Training, Weird Harold, the tearjerker about a man losing his memories, my barracks roommate Connecticut, getting trapped on the top of Sylvan Pass, the Bankrobber I Knew, the heartbreaking tale of my friend Rodney, and many tales of Montana Jones.  Combine this with some odds and ends in my life's collection of stories and y'all know a lot about me. 

However, the next story I'm going to tell you about is one that I'm not sure if I have the skill to tell well.  What I mean is that I'm going to have to try to put motivations and emotion into a person so unlike me that I often had no idea what he was all about.  That person is Dylan, my friend and housemate in Oklahoma.  I met him at college when I was in grad school and he was an undergrad and we ended up sharing a house in Norman.

Now I've seen people fall in and out of love in my life, and I've seen people get dumped.  I've seen both men and women, boys and girls, behave badly when it comes to relationships, but until Dylan I'd never seen or understood what it means to have one's heart broken - all the more surprising because I never attributed Dylan with enough depth to care about a woman or to fall in love. 

So that's the story that's coming up . . . starting next week and running for at least 8 weeks (that's what I've outlined at least). 

Maybe I should've read that book in the image - - I'd have figured all this memoir stuff out in just 4 weeks.

Wish me luck.

- rick, writer

SNOW?? Are you kidding me?

This is what I saw when I got up yesterday morning.  The 26th of April - Snow?

Sarge doesn't seem to mind, however.  He likes following the bunny tracks through the snow.

- rick, taking a snow day.